What is cyberbullying?
Willful and repeated harm inflicted 
through the use of computers,
cell phones, and other electronic devices.
Alright, so if I take out my cell phone
and start whacking you on the head with it,
is that cyberbullying?

Well, it's willful, it's repeated, it's harm,
it's using a cell phone, so it meets all the criteria.
But that's not what we're talking about, right?
We're talking about using technology
as a means to cause harm to others.

The vast majority of teens go online,
they go online every single day.
The average teen these days sends
and receives 2000 text messages a month.

About one in four students
has been cyberbullied at some point in their lifetime.
Middle and high school.
About 16% admit to us that they have cyberbullied others
at some point in their lifetime.
The first thing these young people tell us
for why they engage in the cyberbullying is revenge.
They did it because the other person
did something to them first.
But the number one reason is they just thought it was funny.
It was just a joke.
Why are you making such a big deal out of this?
Okay?
So they just don't understand the harm that it's causing.
Adolescent girls are involved in cyberbullying
at least as often, if not more often, than boys. 
Cyberbullying is linked to
low self-esteem, depression, suicidal ideation.
And traditional bullying is still happening
more often than cyberbullying.

So there are some issues specific
to cyberbullying that I'd like to talk about.
Lack of supervision and monitoring.
Parents have a tough time keeping up with
what their kids are doing online.
If a student wants private access to technology,
they're gonna find it, right?

Another thing about cyberbullying is
those who bully can remain virtually anonymous.
Well, what we know from our research though,
is the vast majority of the time, the one being cyberbullied
knows who's doing the bullying, okay? 
85% of the time, it's somebody from their social circle,
a former friend, a former romantic partner,
the new romantic partner of the former romantic partner.
I mean, there's almost always that connection.
The other reality is by definition, with cyberbullying,
there's always evidence.  Always.

So it's important to encourage young people
to keep the evidence.
Because the two most common things
that a teen will do when they're being cyberbullied
are the two worst things they can do.
The first thing is they delete the message.
What's the second worst thing they do?
They respond, they respond.
They say something mean back.
I see it happen all the time where,
maybe I'm saying mean things to you at school
and you're ignoring it, maybe I'm posting mean things
about you online, you're deleting it.
This keeps going on and on and finally you snap,
and you say something mean back to me,
and now you get in trouble.
Happens all the time.

So what can we do about all this?
How can we deter teen bullying?
How can we respond?
Here's some things you shouldn't do.
You shouldn't increase formal sanctions.
Teens aren't deterred
by the threat of formal punishment.
They're not gonna stop and think,
"Well, I better not send this mean message
because I might get arrested."

I also don't like zero tolerance policies.
You know, these are kind of popular
but I don't think they're really that effective.
I don't mind the rhetoric of
"we have zero tolerance for bullying."
We should have zero tolerance for bullying,
but a zero tolerance policy forces you
to take the same action in every incident, every case,
when that action might not be appropriate
for this particular situation.

The other thing I don't like is public shaming.
When I see a parent who engages in public shaming
of their child, I see a parent whose got a problem.

We need to support our kids.
Stigmatizing makes bullying worse.

"Forgiveness has a bigger effect than reintegrative shaming
and stigmatization," but in particular,
"A nurturing school environment can make up
for the adverse effects of bullying."
Ah, so what should we do?

Give students a stake in conformity.
Give them a reason to conform,
give them a reason to care.
If I've got nothing going on after school,
detention doesn't hurt me.
We need to get them involved
in extracurricular activities, in drama club,
in whatever.
So they've got this activity after school
that they don't wanna miss. 

Connect and interact.

You wanna deter them from engaging
in inappropriate behavior?
Develop a relationship with them.
Because we have this thing in criminal justice
called virtual supervision, where if I have
a strong connection or relationship to another person,
whether it's a parent, a coach, a teacher, whoever,
that when I'm confronted with a situation
where I could engage in deviant behavior,
even if they're not around,
I'm gonna behave as if they were.

The other thing we need to do is make kindness go viral.
I look at kindness and compassion and caring
as the opposite of bullying.
So we need to encourage our students to choose kind.

And we can use technology for that as well.

Konner Suave, for a whole year, anonymously posted
every single day, a picture of a classmate
with something really nice about that classmate.
In some cases, he didn't know who they were,
but he just found something nice to say about them.
For the whole year, he kept doing this.
He was the Valedictorian of the school,
and when he was giving his speech at graduation,
he revealed himself and said,
"Yes, this is what I was doing,
and I wanted to basically be nice." 

I think us as adults,
we could learn a thing or two
from the students that we're supervising.
Thank you very much.
(audience clapping)