*
- Two days before Thanksgiving, in 1997, I said,
"What's going on?"
And then you said, "I can't tell you, because if I do,
you'll leave me and take the children,
and I'll never see them again."
And I said, "You'd probably better tell me, then,
'cause you can't leave it hanging like that."
- You can't leave it like that.
So that's when I told you.
- First thing I remember is you said that
you were in the wrong body, that you should be a man.
- And if it had seemed to me that I was going to lose you
and I was gonna lose the kids,
I would have said, "Okay, I'm not transitioning."
But you told me that we'll work it out.
You know, we were walking through a territory
without a map,
because we didn't have anybody ahead of us.
- And we just kind of fell out of
holding hands when we were walking along the street.
- Spontaneous affection--
we couldn't do it comfortably anymore.
- A lot of it was me because it became clear
that I would be perceived as gay.
But, at one point, I realized that
I didn't fall in love with a couple of body pieces.
I decided, "This is the person."
- And I was still the same person.
- More so; more like the fun person I remembered
from 30-odd years ago
than before the transition.
- Amanda was 7 at this point.
And I explained to her where this was going.
And she burst into tears and threw herself onto my lap.
And she says, "Oh, please, don't change into a man.
If you have to change into anything, couldn't it be a cat?"
And that was not a question I had prepared myself to answer.
I mean, I was kind of stunned.
Do you remember, Amanda?
- Uh, barely. Like, I was 7.
- I think I was 11, right? 10, 11?
- 10. - I was really worried about
you not wanting to be my mother anymore.
So it was pretty intense.
- Did you guys ever feel like maybe it was your fault,
that something that you guys had done--
- You made that pretty dang clear,
that it had nothing to do with us.
- What were you most concerned about when you told us?
- Well, you know, girls learn how to be women from their mothers.
- Right. - And I was terrified
that I was gonna totally screw you up.
And my only defense against that, in my mind,
was to go, "They'll see love,"
and have that be what makes a relationship work.
- So, and this is a little scary for me to ask,
were you ever prepared to not see us again or...?
- No, that was never, ever an option.
- Okay.
- I mean, it's just been amazing to watch you.
You stuck with it. You persisted.
And every year,
my-- my respect for you grows and grows.
Love you. - Love you.
[Both chuckle]
*