The concentric circles of trauma resulting from this week's shooting are most acute
at the center for victims and loved ones.
Then for the school community, the city, the region, and the state.
These people try to reconcile the horrible violence.
But how to do that?
Here to help Erin Neal, a Madison psychotherapist specializing in trauma.
And thanks very much for being here.
Thank you so much for having me.
So what are surviving victims and loved ones of those killed experiencing right now?
And how do they ever move through that?
Yeah, I think it can be a little bit different for everyone.
Like you saw the people that are closest to it are going to have the most trouble right
now.
I think just allowing all feelings, right, like there's probably grief for the loss
of their friends and classmates.
There's confusion, anger, lots of emotions.
Trauma wise, sometimes kids have nightmares.
They can kind of remember the scene that they saw if they were there.
And yeah, just also any experience they had like having to leave the classroom quickly
right?
And all of that.
So just kind of maybe reliving that thinking about it more and maybe worrying about what
happens next or going back to school eventually.
So as to that school community, it's small, it's really tight knit.
How does a group of people so close move through it themselves?
Yeah, I think actually that's an advantage for them having that support of each other,
right?
That they already are such a community, they know each other, they lean on each other.
So how do they move through it?
Like, yeah, being there for each other, having memorials, things that make meaning out of
the tragedy.
And then the greater Madison community and Wisconsin community also wants to support
them, you know, and so figuring out how to get that help to them too.
So there is this kind of collective heartache for all of us.
How are people to reconcile this in the midst of what should be a warm and loving holiday
season?
That is a really good question.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know that there's a good answer for that right now.
I think, again, like I said, I hope that people can let themselves feel how they feel, like
they can just feel that grief.
As humans, we don't love to feel uncomfortable, we don't love feeling grief.
But it's okay to feel that right now.
And then, yeah, I think I see a lot of people really trying to figure out how do I make
meaning, how do I honor the victims, how do I help the community, you know, whether
it's providing meals or church services, things like that that have happened and we'll continue.
How should parents talk about this with their children, if at all?
I think you need to see where your child's at.
Obviously, parents should know their kids the best.
So I would say kids let kids lead the conversation, let them bring it up, you know, check in
with them, see how they're doing.
But, yeah, I think in the notice, right, like, is there sleep different?
Are they eating different?
Are they, you know, is there play different for younger kids, right?
Our teenagers, more with John, when you notice that, ask them, how are they doing, you know,
and then explain things in a developmentally appropriate way, right?
Like, it's also okay to share your feelings, right, to say, like, this is scary.
This is confusing.
I do feel emotions, but parents need to keep control of their emotions too, right?
Because if you feel, if you're out of control, if you're, like, sobbing and weeping and
things, that's going to be hard for the kids.
They might feel like they have to take care of you.
So I think it's adults taking care of themselves as well, leaning on a partner or friends,
and then sharing appropriate amounts of emotion with kids so that they can help share calm
with kids too, and help them feel safe again.
How likely is it that the loss of a feeling of being safe at school, any school, touches
families everywhere?
Yeah, I think that touches families everywhere.
I think you can see that when you're online, and, you know, I'm a parent, most of my friends
are parents.
Like, we all this week then felt like, how do we drop our kids off at school the next
day?
How do we, yeah, so I think it reaches everybody, that feeling of, are we safe?
What's it to do about that, anything?
It's tough, yes.
I think, you know, we have to, you know, contextualize it.
It is a random event, and so that's hard to say, like, this isn't going to happen here,
right?
But it's unlikely that it's going to happen, and we do things to keep ourselves safe.
We remind ourselves that we're safe in this moment.
Use things like grounding skills where you tap into your senses and say, okay, I'm here
in this moment, I see, you know, a green tree, a green, you know, like, kind of looking
for things that are here in the present and knowing that you're safe here, so, yeah.
All right.
Erin Neal, thanks very much.
Thanks for your help.
Thank you.