Subject: FW: Church Humor
From: "Char Olson" <[email-masked]>
To: "Anita Pastor" <[email-masked]>, "Arnston Delores" <[email-masked]>, "Bahe Gale" <[email-masked]>, "Barganz Lynda" <[email-masked]>, "Beach Natalie" <[email-masked]>, "Bessler Linda" <[email-masked]>, "Bindl Jean" <[email-masked]>, "Bray Barry" <[email-masked]>, "Breneman Debbie" <[email-masked]>, "Buelow Jean" <[email-masked]>, "Christianson Kim" <[email-masked]>, "Cooper Linda" <[email-masked]>, "Doyle Sandy" <[email-masked]>, "Eckstein Bob & JoAnn" <[email-masked]>, "Eide Eunice" <[email-masked]>, "Elsing Diane" <elsing
Date: Sat, 21 Jan 2012 10:48:26 -0600

From: Jack Seger [mailto:[email-masked]] 
Sent: Thursday, January 19, 2012 10:19 AM
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
Subject: Fw: Church Humor

 

 

LAUGHTER IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL!

Church Ladies With typewriters are at it again!

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.

These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

 

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 

-------------------------- 

The sermon this morning:

'Jesus Walks on the Water.'

The sermon tonight:

'Searching for Jesus.' 

-------------------------- 

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.

It's a chance to get rid of those things 

not worth keeping around the house.

Bring your husbands. 

-------------------------- 

Remember in prayer the many

who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love.

Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care

much about you. 

-------------------------- 

Don't let worry kill you off -

let the Church help. 

-------------------------- 

Miss Charlene Mason sang

'I will not pass this way again', 

giving obvious pleasure

to the congregation. 

-------------------------- 

For those of you who have children 

and don't know it,

we have a nursery downstairs. 

-------------------------- 

Next Thursday there will be tryouts 

for the choir.

They need all the help

they can get. 

-------------------------- 

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter

were married on October 24 in the church.

So ends a friendship that began

in their school days. 

-------------------------- 

A bean supper will be held on

Tuesday evening in the church hall.

Music will follow.

-------------------------- 

At the evening service tonight,

the sermon topic will be

'What Is Hell?'

Come early and listen to

our choir practice. 

-------------------------- 

Eight new choir robes are

currently needed due to the addition 

of several new members and to the 

deterioration of some older ones. 

-------------------------- 

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, 

bottles and other items to be recycled.

Proceeds will be used

to cripple children. 

-------------------------- 

Please place your donation in the 

envelope along with the deceased person 

you want remembered. 

-------------------------- 

The church will host an evening

of fine dining, super entertainment 

and gracious hostility. 

-------------------------- 

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – 

prayer and medication to follow. 

-------------------------- 

The ladies of the Church have

cast off clothing of every kind.

They may be seen in the basement

on Friday afternoon. 

-------------------------- 

This evening at 7 PM there will be a 

hymn singing in the park across from 

the Church.  Bring a blanket and come

prepared to sin. 

-------------------------- 

Ladies Bible Study will be held

Thursday morning at 10 AM .

All ladies are invited to lunch

in the Fellowship Hall

after the B. S. is done. 

-------------------------- 

The pastor would appreciate

it if the ladies of the Congregation 

would lend him their

electric girdles for the

pancake breakfast next Sunday. 

-------------------------- 

Low Self Esteem Support Group

will meet Thursday at 7 PM .

Please use the back door. 

-------------------------- 

The eighth-graders will be presenting 

Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church 

basement Friday at 7 PM .

The congregation is invited

to attend this tragedy. 

-------------------------- 

Weight Watchers will meet

at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door

at the side entrance. 

--------------------------

The Associate Minister unveiled

the church's new campaign

slogan last Sunday:

'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

--------------------------

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